Week 17 - Prom

Morning everyone,

Back at school again. I missed the weekend deadline for this post, but its alright. I had prom Saturday night. It was great honestly, but it meant that I missed out on finding time for the weekly message.

Ok... back to it.

Student

Just over 2 weeks until exam leave. Feeling some nerves now. I'm back on the early mornings again: 5am wake up, work 2 hours, school, rest/gym/help my parents move back into the cottage.

I need to sort out the sleep schedule. It's important since I'm only on Thursday and I can feel myself lagging behind on brain power. I want to wake up naturally, so it means an even earlier bedtime to ensure that I can find time to wake up in good time. I also got the equivalent of a C in one of my chemistry paper 1 practice papers, which isn't really good enough. BUT I get knocked down and get right back up. Fuck the worry and keep working. I want to overtrain to the point where I know that I can get A/A* even on a bad day with food poisoning and a broken neck. Also had some issue ordering the leavers hoodies but it's almost all fixed.

Brother/Son

Got back home, just me and my brother and sister. The plane was long and painful, and my brother loves to take control and boss me around. Molly follows him more than me so it kind of stinks to feel like I get controlled by my younger brother but there wasn't much I could do. I think is a paradigm issue more than a relationship issue though. I need to see it more as a perspective thing. They respect me and love me, but I need to understand where they're coming from and be proactive enough to let them lead when they want, and I can just sit back and give advice where I'm asked for it.

Friends/Relationships

Had an amazing time at prom. My mates and I all got pretty drunk and talked with so many people. Full honesty: I had a crush on this girl for a while at the start of the year, but I could never imagine talking with her in real life. Shes the sort of person that is kind of cold and uncaring, really difficult to read. Long story short: I talked a couple times with her at prom and she was so nice. I'm not sure if it was the alcohol or what, but I remember talking with her over the music, maybe an inch between our faces. I should have looked her in the eyes and kept talking, but I guess I got nervous and walked off. There was this other girl too who kept appearing. The sort whose guard dropped a huge amount after some drink. We chatted a bit, danced together and stuff, and apparently she has feelings for me. Thing is... getting back to school, I haven't talked with any of them. Not even locked eyes. It's like smoke and mirrors. I dont want to get too distracted anyway, but it was pretty good.

Thats all I've got time for I'm afraid. Thanks for listening.

Thomas H